Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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