watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
