I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
