I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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