Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
