pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
