party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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