there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
