I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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