it hurts more in the daytime
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
