All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
