I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
