I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
