I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
