just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
