Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
