Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
