If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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