did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
