Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
