Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
