I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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