Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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