I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
