I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
