Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
