I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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