Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
