New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
