she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
