I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
