he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
