i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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