dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
