ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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