Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
