he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Semen is not good for contacts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
