Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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