The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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