I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
