I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
soo... how was my night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
