Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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