gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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