I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
