I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
