I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
