You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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