Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
