A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
