somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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