Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
