You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just google imaged poop.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
