would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
