I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's paint friendship bongs
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
