Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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