I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
