Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
