So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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