Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
