Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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