Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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