is wine microwaveable?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
