it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize