On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
