i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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