Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize