Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
